Feedback from the Tensegrity workshop held in Moscow, Russia, January, 2010:

Dreaming Beyond Fear

Newcomers' Feedback
General Feedback

From Newcomers

It was the first time I’ve been to a seminar like this. My purpose was to feel the effect of Magical Passes in a big mass, and I fulfilled it. The effect was like a crack of my previous reality and escape to the new level (ascent above the situation). I liked the introductory lecture, especially Reni’s words that we can use our ancestors’ experience as a fuel for improving of our consciousness.

My new dream was to change my job, because my previous job did not quite meet my wishes. I wanted to leave my job and move to other activities. Thanks to recapitulation I saw that different fears are always disturbing and stopping me. There are fears like: lack of money, that I’ll probably be enforced to ask or borrow money. And I was afraid that new activity would be worse than previous. Also I find out that it always was a superficial sliding of thoughts and there weren’t any analysis or actions. When I was offered something new, I find out the horrid distrust to
people, that they betray or deceive or take advantage of me.

Also I discovered that these fears mostly I inherited from my mom. She worked at the same place all her life, always dissatisfied by her job, doing
nothing to change it.  She always worked and bore up, like me.

In the nightmare scene from the past I remembered how I stopped to trust to people.

There was a neighbors’ motorbike in our courtyard, and its’ owner offer me to start it up. It made me glad and I started up the engine, but hit my foot in the process. Thereby I understood that he did it deliberately to punish me, because not long before I accidentally hit his son. I understood that he deceived me and took advantage of my trustfulness. I was sitting there on a bench crying. I felt anguish and it was a pity that I didn’t see this trick. So I understood that there are a lot of lie and perfidy, as well as hate and unfairness in the world, - I hit him accidentally while was punished deliberately. In general, whole palette of feelings flashed through my mind.

Body position: chest is sunken, breath is uneven and sobbing, back is stooped.

As a result my distrust spread over whole world. And this event painted my life with somber colors.

After analyzing situation this way and doing magical passes I look at it from another position. I’m not afraid to be deceived anymore, because I was a child then, now I am adult and can see any tricks by analysis. Now I have a better understanding of the people. Also I see that world is full of good and I have a lot of YES! moments and unconditioned love of the people. I  understand how to get aligned with these moments so then all things are obtained. This is a feeling from remote childhood, something like rapture, interesting game and courage. Feeling of newness and completeness of life. These memories I take with me.

Dreaming journey to Teotihuacan was extraordinary for me, and I wanted to go there, and, of course, my next dream is the journey to Teotihuacan with the group of practitioners.

Experience of writing my dreams on a T-shirt remembers me about my dream. It is like concluded pact that all things is obtained and it is the first step toward my dream.

My new dreams are a new job, the journey to Teotihuacan, financial independence, traveling around the world and beyond the known.
My first steps – to earn money for the trip. I have a plan for it.
1. To agree about sale of furniture and to become a mediator
2. Conduct seminars
3. Sell my goods at a discount
4. Find out what is the rental payment (for my own business)

That was a remarkable event, thanks to all practitioners and those who made the seminar happen.
…
[Magical Passes]. Especially I remember “Dreaming On The Run” in groups, and among them – “Gathering Energy+with breathing” and “rope+with breathing”. I liked  Plumed Serpent very much, but because of concentration on allegedly difficult upper part I didn’t catch the first part on a floor. When we performed the movement by long and index fingers on the ribs, it was a long forgotten feeling of spring beyond the window, birds’ singing and something very good in the future. In youth it was a transient feeling, but during the magical pass it was a long flight sensation.

[About recapitulation exercise]. Most important for me now that I learn how to sink to the situation in the past and find out fears hidden behind today tranquillity. I have already forgot a lot of what I passed through in my life.

Recent scene happened not long ago – I didn’t want to go to the seminar. Suddenly, when I had to go out, old habits came to surface. I played the computer games thinking – What for I am going there? I can do the practice by myself. Catching this situation I saw, how thin was the ice under my feet, and that I have to go toward the exit gradually. A guttural singing helped me that moment. Recently I found out what prevented us from sounding unusual. And I decide to try. 15 minutes I sound like Tibetan monks – low guttural singing. There weren’t any thoughts in my mind in those minutes. And I prepared for the journey and went out home without wasting time on talking with myself.

Analysing this situation in the seminar I suddenly remembered scenes with similar symptoms from my childhood.

In such moments it is very helpful to stop inner dialog and to act from silence. Once I already used this approach undeliberately, when I went to dentist to extract a half of teeth. Then I paid a lot of money and sat into the chair, moving like in a sleep. It was after six-years interval.

I suddenly found out one fear from my childhood. It spreads over all my life. Grandad often told me that I can’t do or get on well in something. This mood became a base of my future acting. It was sorry to tears – I have not did anything yet, but the mood already existed. Examining this situation with my witness, I saw that grandad didn’t act from strength, but from his inner weakness. And situation showed itself during last summer. I don’t know what to do. I saw that my uncertainty and shyness are from childhood and from those scenes with grandad. Inability to go toward situations and people and so on. I was stuck and tight like I was in a childhood, couldn’t do anything. That’s where my low self-esteem, remoteness from peers and isolation of studies are from. I found myself in the same situation in the seminar – and I was taken by surprise. On the second day of seminar there was a long line to cloakroom and my friend and I stood at its end. The girl who I did the magical passes with in group of five stood at the front of the line. She called me by a glance to stand next to her to reduce wait. First I began to explain that everything is okey – everybody stood in the line and I can. But recapitulation and my friend who pushed me a bit did its work. And I left my place in the line and came to stand next to her. There was a wave of the same feelings – feelings of my childhood fear. It became difficult to breathe, shoulders stooped, muscles numbed. I remembered what I had to do despite my mind didn’t believe that it would be helpful. I relaxed and straightened my shoulders, took a deep breath. Effect wasn’t stunning, but I stopped to radiate a tension. Then I offered her to go together to the hotel. So we met and were talking about dreaming journey to Teotihuacan and all we have seen on the seminar. We stood in the hall of the hotel and didn’t observe anybody else around us. It was so wonderful to jump over this old fear, and it inspired me so much… this feeling still brings me an ocean of energy… Next day this test had repeated, it wasn’t such easy as first time, but I was able to overcome my fear – fear of saying what you think to another person.

To choose a witness was an examination too, and it was one of first steps toward overcoming this fear.

It was very helpful to look at YES! moment. I couldn’t remember these moments but suddenly I understood how little attention I pay to them. I’m going to take this practice and track what I can but didn’t do and why I did so. And I’m going to apply nine-day rule to this practice. In the correspondence with my new acquaintance I see how little we do and say to those who we see often and whose presence we take for granted.

[Dreaming journey to Teotihuacan] was extraordinary for me. From time to time I saw and hold the image from dreaming, the alley, almost naked people in tabernacles, weapons, I saw vividly the heads on the Quetzalcoatl Temple before it was said. But it was a lot of moment when I was dropped from the dreaming trying to return back. There were a lot of vivid imagery that didn’t relate to Teotihuacan straightly, - Siberian forests and so on.

It was a lot of imagery at all. The incenses were very helpful.

[Putting the dreams on T-shirt] For a long time I try to understand how can I express what I am going to dream.

When thoughts calmed down, I started to draw and write. Now I practice magical passes at home dressed in this T-shirt. And also I use it like reminder of my discovered decisions. It was exceptional positive and unusual experience, it lets me do a bit more than usually.

I didn’t expect anything interesting from the session of questions and answers, but during the session I became aware that a lot of these questions I might ask myself, and so I had a good chance to hear answers here. And there was a lot of new information for me. Thanks a lot for this experience.

[About my family line] I found and got rid of part of habits to think about myself like something completed. And I got another chance to go toward myself. I found out that it is very important to know about one’s family line. So I’m going to gather what I still can recover. For a long time I thought that I couldn’t reach my childhood memories – there was a situation where I close all memories for not to break myself.

I’m glad that it isn’t true.

Perhaps, there are high-sounding words, but I formed a dream – to live and pass by warrior’s path.

May be, I didn’t quite enough get onto this path, or don’t already want to deal with material things (cars, flats). I haven’t any professional dreams, except the dream of finding such a balance of work that makes me possible to improve myself.

From list of dreams one dream has arisen – to follow the warrior’s path. So I made decision on seminar to do the next:

- To practice =>magical passes=recapitulation=magical passes=recapitulation

- stop-technique – catch a situation – pause – change body position – do something new what I never didn’t dared to do before.

- refinement the link with Intent (gift from the infinity on previous practice in Petersburg)

- expand my music study with didgeridoo and guttural singing => buy didgeridoo and study to playing it

- regularly attend practice group in “Another World” in Saint-Petersburg

- apply nine-day practice and write down YES! moments and findings from recapitulation into the notebook

I very liked an organization of event, hotel, place of seminar. Everything was wonderful! Thank you a lot for your hard work! Thanks a lot to all practitioners for experience of dreaming together!!!

General Feedback