Feedback from the Tensegrity workshop held in Berlin, Germany, October, 2009:

The Joy of Arbeit*: "Nobody Told Me"

Recording and commentaries on Fließen und Fließen – Flow and Flow sung at the workshop.

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I would like to thank you warmly and deeply for inviting me to share in such a powerful and wonderful workshop. This was the first Cleargreen workshop I have attended and I am already dreaming of attending another! It's my pleasure to share with you some of the findings and experiences I had during the workshop.

The Recapitulation Exercises aided by The Erasing Personal History Form, Breathing Passes and Mapping the Body - There was so much energy in that sports hall! I have done recapitulation exercises before but they have never been so powerful. When searching for an event to recapitulate I always found that one event would strongly come up in my memory above others. In almost all the cases I thought that this event wasn't a good one. I just thought it was trivial or that it didn't fit where I wanted to go with the recapitulation. However, after surrendering to the idea and running with it I found some really powerful insights into the way I approach and view work. I found that during an event in my childhood, in a work-like scenario, something happened which underpinned my behavior in the other scenarios I recapitulated: that I was afraid to try, and afraid to reveal to others that I was trying. If there wasn't a quick answer then I wasn't interested! When I saw this I was so relieved to bring some consciousness to something which had so much influence on my way of being at work.

Since coming back to work I have been monitoring my body position which gives me a tool to monitor and notice myself when I am 'living in my head', and by changing my body position I can be more in touch with my energetic body. I still have work to do but I can feel the benefits of the workshop already, I am enjoying work more than I used to!

The Earth Form and Reading of Interview - I found the Earth Form taught by Alexander Dergay to be exquisite. I was not familiar with previous versions of this form and the first time we practiced it in the sports hall a wave of loving emotion came over me and I cried! I realized that the Earth is conscious, just as plants, animals and other humans are, and that we are not so different from all of these things. This filled me with, and still does when I practice it, a grounding to the Earth which is novel to me. From this place I view the Earth as not just a place which I inhabit and take from as I wish but as something which I interact with on a daily basis. From this new view I can take more responsibility for my actions towards the Earth, it's plants, it's animals and it's human beings and I am able to open and allow more of life in. I consider myself very lucky to have found a set of simple movements which evoke such a warm, positive and energetic way of being in myself, thank you!

Practicing Magical Passes in such a large group was new to me and initially filled me with a lot of excitement and some apprehension as to whether I would be able to keep up with remembering the sequences. It turned out that I did not need to worry and soon I was able to open my peripheral vision towards everyone else present in the space.

Acknowledging and working with the energy body in such a concentrated and attentive way was new to me and very exciting. The initial wave of energy turned into a continually high degree of being aware, feeling present and strangely dense but flexible at the same time.

Through my previous work in the context of self-expression, I am familiar with a slightly different recapitulation practice and was very excited to discover the method we used on all three days. With my father’s help I had traced my family history back to my grandfather/mother and had interesting conversations with my father about the process of the weekend experience. During Recapitulation I was able to discover how my mother’s and father’s lineage of work is seemingly fused in my own experience and perception of who I am when I go to work. Initially I had slight difficulty to pair my memories of situations with the accompanying body position but relaxed into the process with repeating the recapitulation practice. I noticed that my breathing becomes forced when in a stressful situation and realized that even in seemingly non-stress related moments there is a holding in certain areas of my body which I intend to look into further.

The open, authentic and thorough account on part of Alexander Dergay’s touched me deeply and I felt thankfulness that he had shared all this. I learned that commitment to Tensegrity as a spiritual practice is essential - and subsequently to any other practice and/or activity which fosters the growth of awareness. Further it seems to me that it is necessary to create a certain allowance around the flow of our life in relation to energy, i.e. to allow/accept times where energy seems to run low, we are keeping a low profile and to practice patience and well-being towards oneself until a surge of energy occurs and a phase starts during which it is made possible for us to grow at a different pace. I have seen that I often act hesitant when it comes to decision making in my life and Alexander’s account has spirited me to be more with my energy body and listen to it more intently when I feel a decision is to be made.

The Earth Form Magical Passes had very strong effects of me, both the individual as well as the group version in chairs. It appeared that letting myself be carried by the floor/ground/earth was difficult for me and when I started to feel the connection energetically there was a huge wave of sadness coming up. From where I am at the moment all I can see it that this sadness comes up a lot for me and seems to belong to a common or shared pain body which I can see myself be part of. When the sadness subsided it was slowly replaced by a deep emotional connection to and love for the Earth and the feeling of wholeness.

The positive scene from my childhood that I remembered instantly turned out to carry all the aspects of my work I enjoy today and revealed that I enjoy creating miniature "alternative" and alive worlds together with others. When essentially immersed in working with nature, the sand and water, to feel the warmth of the sun and hear the rhythm of the sea waves I feel whole, complete, alive and utterly present. To connect my current attitude to work to the early experience of immersion appeared like an eye opener to me and I wanted to shout YES, YES, YES, that is it - that is joy !

It appeared I had to overcome my inhibitions to engage in the task of writing/painting on the stone. This emotional blockage reminded me of similar situations I am experiencing whenever I am to create something from scratch, instantly, immediately. I was able to get over the feeling of strong unease and inner tension and once I started to write on the stone it felt natural and joyous. Holding the stone again - as previously during the affection for the Earth practice - filled me with first a wave of tears, subsiding, then slowly, love and the sensation of being connected to everyone else in the room as well as the stone as an authentic self-expression of my commitment to life.

The Earth Form in chairs worked very well in the group. I felt a strong connection particularly to my opposite partner who I practiced the hand touching and rubbing with but also with the other participants in the group, particularly when offering our open hands to each other. When connecting to the Earth and then each other I encountered a strong sensation I had never felt like this before. It was as if my whole being was held or immersed in a powerful stream or river of energy. Perhaps the image of swaying seaweed is the closest I can get to describe how I felt.

Findng the positive Childhood-Scene: Was for me quite important, because I have big problems in recollecting my childhood at all! In spite of my expectation I had a very clear, tremendously beautiful recollection, which did me extremely good and will surely last me for a long time!

Working with the stone was a real highlight. The doing in itself, from choosing the stone, through painting it, and talking about it in the group. I found it really amazing, how “easy“ it was to speak with completely unknown people about such personal things. There was a deep connectedness (for sure due to the movements we had done together before!!), which I found very touching.

The Earth Pass in chairs was really amazing!! This connectedness in the group, a great silence and harmony. The Working-Group was also swell. A very practical approach and very creative.

Overall a huge thank you to the Instructors, I felt during the entire time very protected and supported. The mood of ARBEIT was very inspiring and beautiful and I think that it is very, very difficult to generate such a loving and powerful athmosphere with so many people and in such a sober way. I will return in any case. I have experienced many “Workshops“ of all kind of things, but this was definitely the most important for me up to now!

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