Feedback from the Tensegrity workshop held in Amsterdam, April, 2009:

A Recapitulation of Sex, Gender, Power, and Creativity

Newcomers' Feedback
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From Newcomers

This was my first tensegrity workshop. Years ago I regularly did the magical passes. Recently I started to think about starting to do them again, but I really did nothing. I looked at the cleargreen web site and – waited. When I got a message about this workshop in Amsterdam, I thought: oh, this is really what I need!

For some years in my life I felt stuck – my life seems to be boring, routine and I was deeply unsatisfied. I felt that something was missing, I lost something. But in spite knowing this I had a real problem to decide whether to go or not to go! Finally I realised that in recent years I always looked for the excuses not to do something and to feel miserable after. So, I decided to go in Amsterdam. (Oh, what an introduction!)

At home I did my research about my lineage. I found out things about my ancestors I did not know. I never looked at their life in this way. I also found out that my life is deeply affected by some patterns of behaviour, even if I always thought that I am beyond this. I even judged them – and now I found out that I did the same!

I attended the newcomers session on Friday. The passes made a really strong effect on me and I enjoyed a lot. I felt awake and grounded. I like very much the magical passes Letting Go of Certainty and Embracing the Present Moment. Their names tell everything – this is the exact way I feel when I do the passes.

Doing the stalking exercises, I had a problem to remember. Then I thought: I am trying to remember things which I was trying to supress for years. I felt enormous sadness and regret. I found out that I am very harsh judge, and I have a problem to forgive myself. My witness was very patient with me and helped me a lot. I realised that I am judging all the time. I wake up and I judge - but now at least I am aware of this. I realised that I cannot just stop judging. I am learning to live and watch without judging. I can say that I`m feeling lighter. I also found out that for now, the easiest way to accept myself is by joking on my behaviour.

Hearing all the stories made a great impact on me, an impact which was changing during the workshop. I was really impressed when a pair made a stalking on a stage. It moved me deeply. Then I felt an urge to tell my own story and after this I felt much better, I felt pretty normal, more connected with everybody. After that I found out that my stories could seem pretty ridiculous to somebody who had a different type of problems. I realised also that comparing would not lead me anywhere – it does not help. Then, I found out that we have all pretty much the same stories. And on Sunday, honestly, I could laugh about them (about me).

When the workshop began, I felt like all the newcomers are really accepted. I feel that the tensegrity movement is a movement that is spread all over the world and I feel good to be part of it. I also realised that is much easier to be aware in a workshop, away from my daily routine. I have a lot of work to do on myself.

Thank you to all the instructors and participants for these opportunities we had in the workshop.

After having finished the workshop I had mixed feelings. I felt sad because something uniquely wonderful had ended and joyful because I had the opportunity to experience something which was beyond my expectations. Before I took part in the workshop, I had been practising magical passes regularly for four years with the guidance of Tensegrity’s videotapes. As a result, I was convinced of the efficiency of the method. Now, after the workshop experience, there is actually no room to place doubts in my mind about the truth of the whole Castaneda's system.

During the three days of the workshop I felt my energy rising in such a level that only by recalling back to my childhood could I find a comparable situation. In addition, and probably the most important; it was the first time I practised recapitulation. This gave me a new view of myself and the chance to work deeper and harder with my memories and my habits. Our instructors, Teo and Alexander, impressed me. Over the workshop they never raised their voice. There were moments that their orders were a whisper, though that didn't reduce our discipline and devotion.

Definitely the most emotional part of the workshop was the finale, when men and women all together sung and then applauded with great intensity our instructors and all the people who helped for the achievement of Amsterdam's workshop. Personally, I had the great honor of introducing myself and thanking our instructor and Castaneda's chacmool, Nyei Murez.

I hope I will be able to participate in a new Tensegrity's workshop as soon as possible.

What really surprised me were the following days: I woke up several times at 5am with remembering remote memories that I first didn’t relate to the classes and not sexually related, but that actually were important. I also woke up with an image of how should be the living room of my house (usually a disaster). I changed it all and I like it, it has nothing to do with how it was before. Lastly I have to add that I can only acknowledge with awe that I work more and better. I don’t know if it’s random or not, but just this letter I wrote it with no effort, before it would have been impossible.

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