Feedback from the Tensegrity workshop held in Amsterdam, October, 2008:

Is There Anybody Out There Who Really Loves Me?

 

Newcomers' Feedback
General Feedback

General Feedback

Note to seasoned practitioners: The depth of your tracking made a strong impression on us, such that we decided that some of your letters are appropriate for the newsletter that follows the workshop, where we will include your discoveries for the three weeks following the workshop. So here follows a sampling of some, though not all of your wonderful feedback! From the Tensegrity Instructors

The love workshop was a sheer joy, a gift of lightness and understanding for me. I start my days now with that energizing series 'stalking the dreaming attention'.

The preparatory stalkings we did, prepared me very profoundly on the topic of looking at how I relate to the ones around me, to the ones I love and to myself. I feel that I peeled a layer off, that was quite sticky before, full of judgments about myself and about how things should be. The stalkings and my tracking showed me that I can continuously change, learn new ways of working and living with others. 'My way' is just 'a' way and it turned out not to be the best way, not 'the' way...

Now, 10 days after the workshop, I still feel the lightness and joy that I felt that Sunday, at 4 pm, when we finished and the words of Robert's song still lingered in my heart: love is a melody.

with love

Dear instructors and workshopparticipants,

My feedback for the workshop in Amsterdam:

The expectations I had around love were:

-that the other/partner will understand if something is wrong in the relationship even if I don't say anything about it.

-that I can look/be with other guys but my partner won't mind. -that the partner is so flexible that if I want to end it that he lets me go easily.

-I also always expected it would never turn out right, any small thing and it was over on my part

Moving past these expectations:

Steps:

-To let the other know I love him

-To discuss when I feel things move in a strange direction

-To respect/honour relationships and not mix with others.

I show up for myself by keep on following my dreams with work/healing etc.

I was inspired during the workshop with the remark “to show up for yourself”--to me it is to show up for actions, things to do for the workshop, an appointment, to see the person who calls me, etc.

I found new expectations I didn't know I had:

That the other won't mind what I do.

That the other is my one and only for the rest of my life, I can hide behind him.

That they will leave me anyhow, why would they really love me?

I released some unrealistic expectations:

Especially, what I released is that I (believe that I) cannot function without the attention, affection of the other.

Also, that (I believe that) only men can make me happy. That the other will fulfill my life, my longing.

What I learned: not to push things yourself with others, but let your energybody give the impulses, so less pressuring things yourself against the flow.

Things I am still holding onto:

The idea of fullfilment by a man, the man of my life, that he will complete me, instead of I, myself.

I also expect the man to be there for all my needs and I not for him or for myself.

Ways to be more loving and present with myself:

-To communicate better if things bother me.

-Feeling complete alone, happy.

-Connecting more with women, the female part in me, vulnerability, embracing it.

-Connecting to love for everything around, a sublime affection, not especially connected to one person.

-I can enjoy myself alone very good as well.

Ways in which I am already doing this:

My dialogue has changed tremendously when I like someone now I let that person know

(I found I retreat from accepting affection many times, not allowing the other)

During the workshop this opened up, I could allow that I liked someone or he/she me and feel it and accept it (very new step)

Also: learned I tend to be very strict with myself to be perfect that I overdo this, worry much have I acted “nice” enough. Another practitioner made me aware of this. To laugh about this with the funny laughs we did and see the old dialogue as a lot of entertainment (Robert said).

Me and my newcomer friend:

I lost sight of her after our first stalking. I felt pretty bad, but my silent side said something else: that side did not worry that she was gone, it felt totally as the flow of things. I stalked with many others and those were “perfect” every time.

(recognizable and right for the moment).

I wished my newcomer the best from silence. Her story she shared was like mine and I liked her attention for the stalking: precise, fast, and to the point. Much better than I a seasoned practitioner.

Some comments on the different talks (they were all uniquely amazing):

Ine: Her pattern of excluding her husband from her dream and her new view to also see what he was experiencing was recognizable.

I saw me and my mother both had that pattern as well.

Colline: very beautiful to see her way back to loving herself. Recognizable that she closed off and couldn't accept that others loved you. Totally the same with me.

Ed: this was the softest (positive) talk I ever witnessed. Very much from the heart. It touched me deep that you can reconnect affection and so lightly. That his pattern ran back all the way to his father and carried so far and that by shifting it his light, love came back.

Geert: Very beautiful, precise, honest. He really stalked every part with precision until he could unravel--from blaming others to seeing his own part. Very recognizable how this goes in group processes when communication lacks or fears are hidden.

Carine: It was like the life story of everyone. It was flowing, moving, I moved with her every new assemblage point position.

Her joy and honesty were so loving, amazing. She was really clearing out the closets so to speak.

The song Robert put on from his friend was heart touching. His tribute to him, his actually saying thank you. We could feel this friend there so to speak. It reminded me much of my mother who is gone, but still alive in everything I do now.

His singing with the group and all of us of the song was bringing me to a familiar place, the words of the song seemed words I had heard before, like the song was in me always. The singing brought me to a cosy place of love and beauty.

The magical passes:

Stalking the Dreaming Attention: This pass gave me a new strength I definitely lacked, you felt male and female energies mix. My womb and solar plexus have never been so active and as two strong round centers of energy because of the pass.

The earth form: connected me to a part that could let go more of trying to get attention, to be loved, but to trust the earth, relaxing my body. My connection to others was so much more with ease because of this pass, without strain.

I got a memory back from a scene where my brother and sister and me were interacting in a very affectionate way. It was a real gift, I cried out of finding this love, piece of the puzzle again.

The wings of affection:

This pass brought (the whole group it seemed) in a real abstract flight. We were all transformed. I felt like I was staring for the first time into another groove, furrow of time.

Allowing the other also to lead me was especially good for me, to let go of always wanting to be in charge. made me more sensitive, affectionate, uneasy, but new and uplifting.

Love and joy

In first, thank you to you and to all practitioners for the “Love Workshop Amsterdam”, which gave me the opportunity to pursue deeper my relationship with my energy body.

That is several months that I discover and dust the connection with my energy body and now I can feel sometimes the pure love and joy that joins him. In light of this new link, I can reconsider my relations with people of my past, especially with my girlfriends.

In the absence of the existence of energy body in my mind, I realized that I transferred feelings and energy that were destined to my energy body to women with whom I lived. I tried each time to merge with her.

The mixture of energy body's love and natural feeling for a woman intensified by sexual energy was for me very delightful for a few years, at the beginning of the relationship.

But each time in my case, I felt appear in my heart a growing dissatisfaction and finally this mixture ended in a cul-de-sac. Of course, I tried again with another woman, thinking that this time she would be the perfect woman for me. But no woman or man can take the place of energy body.

For now, I live alone and I am sure that solitude is necessary to explore deep within our link with the energy body.

Sexual relation is so captivating and time-consuming in my case that it has a tendency to hide the existence of energy body.

the question I ask is how to give to the energy body the attractiveness and sweetness that could make a romantic relationship with a woman.

Perhaps in bringing gift to energy body like we do with a woman or man we love?

How can I give/redeploy sexual energy to the energy body?

I know, the answer is somewhere near me.

Love is a smile

Love is light in the eyes

Love is vibration in the air

Love is nothing

Love is all

Best Wishes and good exploration

The last workshop was extraordinary for me. I felt I received there exactly what I needed.

The interplay of masculine and feminine in the Stalking The Dreaming Attention - form: through doing this form I learnt I need to use them both. Especially the masculine passes are for me, as a woman, helpful in taking on my responsibility and acting on it. I use it now before I take actions I want to take, which are following from the new view I got from the stalking.

An important insight for me was how I unconsciously have all those expectations of others to “save” me, to do this or that for me. A clear view of “me” and “what do they do/have done to me” - the victim stance, not taking my responsibility. With the stalking exercises I have a tool to find out how to connect to my Energy Body and to the ever present background of Love. We are made of Love.

My views of love have changed indeed. I thought love was being there for someone, supporting him or her, listening to him/her, giving the other person space to become themselves. Now I feel love isn't just this or that. It is flexible, and always different in every situation It is connection to the voice within, to the background of Love, getting a clear view of the situation and taking my responsibility. It could be anything in that moment.

I found the stories of the Dutch practitioners wonderful. I recognised myself most in …that of Colline. Making a big drama about nothing. I hate to say it but I am doing it almost every day in my own way. Learnt it from my mother and I hated her for doing this, swore I would never become like her, you see... Only now I write this I realise that it is about wanting to be perfect.

The singing of the self made song by Robert and sharing the music of the important person for him was a beautiful example of what Love is to him.

Thank you very much for sharing this path and for taking your responsibility in this.

Best wishes and Love

Thank you, luminous beings, for giving your best to organize this New Seminar on Love. You arranged things so well and it was such a fluid, light and effective workshop.

I would like to point out especially the following, that I liked most.

- To set an intent at the beginning and to look for this item at the end of the workshop.

- The combined stalking exercise (actual scene and scene from the past in one session) was very effective.

- During the practice a thought came to my mind: “How should I ever remember this pretty long series of movements?” So I tried not to be perfect, not to think about the future, but to give my best, and that was simply enjoying to practice the magical passes right here, right now with all these beautiful beings surrounding me, feeling their energy, building a lively moving spider web together and fly.

We are here on our homeplanet, on our beautiful blue Spaceship Earth, to celebrate life – each for itself and all together.

With all my heart,

Antes del seminario sobre el amor de Amsterdam hice una lista de relaciones amorosas como nos sugeristeis los instructores. Atados a la lista me encontré un montón de sentimientos contradictorios. Amor y deseo de manejar. Un inconsciente deseo de aprovecharme. Una visión de las relaciones amorosas como algo que estableces para obtener otra cosa a cambio. Sexo, claro, y también reafirmación de mi imagen personal, sentir que puedo seducir y gustar.

Pero eso no era todo. También había el deseo de disfrutar juntos. Ganas de volar en compañía, de abandonarse en el otro, simplemente por el placer de sentir a otra persona moverse respondiendo a tus propios movimientos. Amar para sentir. Amar para volar. Esta es la capa de experiencia que me quedo, que me sirve de guía para el futuro.

He disfrutrado con dos nuevas practicantes, una de la cuales adopté en el seminario. Cuando me hacían preguntas sobre la tensegridad me he visto empujado a ser sobrio, conciso, directo y simple. Tener que explicar la tensegridad me obliga a revisar mis ideas sin dejar nunca de pisar la tierra, porque siento que contestar con vaguedades las llevaría a desconfiar de la seriedad de esta enseñanza. Intento explicar los conceptos más abstractos con las ideas más funcionales que encuentro, y evito utilizar cierto vocabulario si no tiene un significado concreto que pueda transmitir. Cuando hacía los ejercicios de acecho con mi adoptada iba directa y limpiamente a la situación y al recuerdo. Soy consciente de que las historias tienen mil versiones, pero no he rebuscado ninguna. He ido a la primera que aparecía. Adoptar a un recién llegado es una fantástica experiencia.

Me ha gustado mucho la referencia de Carine a su cuerpo energético. Llevo dos meses llamando a mi cuerpo energético, y para mi sorpresa funciona, me mantiene alineado. Y es la fuente inagotable del amor.

Gracias instructores por este magnífico seminario.

On Saturday morning before the workshop, I decided not to apply any make-up, in order to face my feeling of being ugly. On entering the hostel cafeteria for breakfast, I saw a woman whose face was half covered by dark purple birthmark, sitting with her children and husband, all of them glowing and laughing. I was deeply moved, and knew this was a lesson. During the first stalking exercise, I wrote “If he really loved me, he would find me beautiful”. The recent scene was of giving someone I am attracted to “the eye” and getting a “disinterested” look in return. The past scene was in puberty, the boys in my class mocking and insulting me, calling me ugly (I had acne and greasy hair).

After shifting, I saw that I push my energy body away, my inner “shine”, which is my true beauty, by calling myself ugly: “I am ugly and unlovable” (only pretty girls are loved). Without my inner shine, only a dull hollow shell is left. To this day, I judge myself ugly and then expect the other person to “make me beautiful”- too big an expectation, giving someone else all the responsibility!

I learned this from my Dad. He has a birthmark covering much of his face, and he experienced a lot of humiliation when young; he thinks he is hideously ugly and unlovable. I also felt clearly, that I have taken on his assemblage point position, this feeling of being repulsive without make-up is not my own.

New Approach: be aware that my inner shine, my essence is my beauty!! Be responsible for seeing my own beauty! If someone else does too, well that’s wonderful, but it lies with me- in my connection with my energetic Self.

“If I really loved me, I would accept my failings”. Past scene of showing myself openly to my mother, my joy, laughter, and she looks at me with hate. “I am bad, I make her unhappy”. I became aware of the constant fear of rejection for being “not right”. I cannot just “be myself”, I have to strive to be acceptable (perfect!) and when I deem myself imperfect, I automatically close up and reject others coldly- before they reject me.

Recently I showed up for myself fully after writing the best essay of my life. It was a collaboration of my true mind, my energy body and the Spirit, a work of inspiration. I felt total fulfillment, loving pride and awe on its completion…and I gave myself a grade of 100% for it, beyond the shadow of a doubt.

Now, I bring that from the realm of “doing”, to giving myself a grade of 100% for my being, always, even if I’m not aligned, or in my ego (ie “imperfect”). I can be there for myself always, lit up with love and calm fulfillment and “100%” for my essence.

The lifelong fear which resided in my chest has been replaced by something unimaginably beautiful: calm, calm space and a gentle golden light. I have never felt calm before in my life!

When Robert and Nyei were singing the lullaby, I heard hundreds of voices singing along, as if from another dimension, it was so beautiful.. and at the end, when we were lying in silence, I felt myself being rocked like a baby in the Earth, by her.. nurturing the calm peace within me.

What a healing workshop. Sunday was my birthday.. this workshop was the gift of Love.

Kisses to all

The workshop was so effective. It felt as a light breeze or a tender ripple from a great ocean - but isn't it said somewhere that when a certain point in a system or structure is pushed softly, tenderly, a great change may occur in that system, moving slow & golden as honey ... So it felt and feels for me. Thank you all, instructors and participants for that tender, unbending affection.

Doing the assignment before the workshop (great idea!), I found out that my romantic relationships are of 3 sorts: 1. based on the wish to conform to social standards - 'you have to have a boyfriend'. 2. Based on real affection. 3. Based on a desperate longing which I deeply feared would never be fulfilled, but then sometimes I would have this rush of false hope - maybe with Him!

During the stalkings I learned a.o. that I did not take needs of my partner in consideration when I had an 'attack' of neediness coming from that false hope. Actually, I wanted my partner to act as an unconditionally loving mother, or a golden, shiny being that I saw near my cradle as a baby - a being who then left...This wanting based on early events of separation that -with my immature child brain I perceived incomplete. Head sticking out, face tensed, tension in eyes, mouth half open, tension in my bowels, my rib cage, breathing superficially, thinking that I am not being loved and feeling that I cannot live like this. These early events - I can almost feel them as hardened bubbles, marbles and how I carried them with me all my life: believing that my mother did not really love me and looking for that love somewhere else, with men which never worked out and which brought me to suicide attempts and feeling comfort in suicidal fantasies...or trying to find it elsewhere, wherever ... not getting it, than getting angry with the non-deliverers, feeling guilty about the anger etc etc....

Aligning my neck with my spine, bathing deeply, face soft, feeling my arms and a subtle current through them, a delicious feeling in my rib cage, peace in my bowels, eyes soft, my heart flowing, sensing the sun: I have the key to my own happiness, my serenity, my streaming - I used to give that key to others, now I will keep it with me and use it myself... to connect to that golden being that I also am. Concrete action: taking care of my health. Embrace and hug myself. Say all kind of positive and loving things to myself. Roam through my beloved city. Etc.

It was inspiring to hear the talks. I also experienced that softness, tenderness. All the issues resonated with me, especially Geert with taking responsibility and Carine, being one self's love of one's life - and beautifully illustrated how that develops during a life. As seasoned practitioner I had adapted a newcomer. The newcomer did not always keep to the script and started to give me advice and explanations in an affectionate way. I took it as messages from Intent and am redoing the stalkings now.

Two special, great events during the workshop: just before a session, I entered the hall. A negative thought about another practitioner entered my head. To get rid of it, put my attention somewhere, else I turned my head around and looked through one of the big windows. I saw the whitish, greyish downy clouds. And them suddenly, a big swarm of birds, looks like hundreds of them, tiny specks .... the swarm has an almond shape... and that shape starts to move, curl in.... all the birds moving along to the change, creating it ...I am awed and so happy to see this!... and suddenly they are gone ... I am checking where have they gone? Not a single bird in sight .... Oh, I say to myself, this was a vision!...a dream!...

And the second event: the 3rd stalking during the workshop where we find a moment of love, standing up for ourselves: Sunday at lunch with my fellow practitioners, sitting at a table in the restaurant. We sit near the window, the sun is shining on us. Around us, tables are filled with other practitioners, cheerfully chatting. Hip hop music through the speakers. At our table, we are joking, laughing, teasing each other. S is sitting across me, she is laughing, radiating joy and I laugh, too. The jokes and teasing make me laugh, give me joy, and to see S so happy and free after she finished a big project. It feels like we are a fountain of golden bubbles -indeed, as champagne can bubble and sizzle!

When I stalked this scene: what I would shift, is being aware of the Earth, feeling my feet. At the moment that thought came up, I felt that from the earth came golden bubbles, too. Oh, the Earth is sharing our joy, happy that these beings of her, are happy ....

A strange thing happen the Sunday after the workshop in our local group practice. We practiced the dreaming attention nugget when right after the tapping with the right heel on earth a small earthquake took place. The timing was unbelievable and left us with a feeling of awe.

Y les quiero dar las gracias, por este Seminario. Cada uno de ellos, me da un regalo de “Poder”

Y en esta ocasión, quiero contarles mi experiencia en el Seminario, porque tiene que ver con los regalos que el Infinito me dió a través de ustedes. Muy agradecida, Lis.

RELATO DE PERCEPCIÓN SOBRE LA PRÁCTICA DEL PASE MÁGICO: “EL AFECTO POR LA TIERRA”

Haciendo el pase percibía que no me encontraba bien, me llegaban escenas de recapitulación de ese día, cómo había comído mucho y me había sentado mal la comida, me dolía el costado izquierdo, bazo-p-ancreas, Centro del Sentimiento.

Entonces, cuando me dí la vuelta, pude ver que me undía más y más en la Tierra, y podía llorar, para soltar mi tensión. Vi como salían unos filamentos alrededor de mi cuerpo físico y ella, la Tierra los absorvía sin dañarle.

Sentí por primera vez, que la tierra era mi madre y que me protegía; que a ella no la podía engañar ni fingir como si nada me ocurriera. Porque ella, estaba perfectamente consciente de todo lo que me ocurría y de lo que yo sentía.

Podía comunicarme con mi madre Tierra, porque ella me escuchaba. Y supe tambien, que nunca más estaría sola, porque ella está siempre conmigo acompañándome. En ese momento, había una comunicación directa que yo podría tener en cualquier otro momento que lo necesitara.

Cuando escuché la nana cantada por Robert, me llegó otra escena de recapitulación: me sentí una bebé en la cuna, sola, sin mi madre. Estaba llorando pero ella no venía.

Mi madre, me contó que, cuando yo tenía tan sólo quince días, ella tuvo que volver al trabajo y me dejaba en la “casa cuna” de la misma empresa dónde trabajaba.

Le dejaban darme de mamar cada dos horas, pero en medio de ese tiempo, yo estaba sóla y lloraba y lloraba, hasta caer rendida y dormida. Yo necesitaba contacto físico, pero mi madre sólo podía venir a alimentarme cada dos horas.

Entonces, prometí no pedir más el contacto porque era demasiado doloroso, el recuerdo que me despertaba. Y me meti para dentro de mi cuerpo físico, lejos de mi piel; y desde entonces, me aliimento con mucha ansiedad y en esceso para suplir la falta del calor de mi madre. Y me empacho y daño mi aparato digestivo.

Pero en esta ocación, HACIENDO EL PASE MÁGICO, escuché una voz como un pensamiento. Esa voz me dijo: “no estás sola, tienes a tu madre Tierra”.

Al llorar, mi cuerpo se ablandó y al final, con el pase de “La Rueda del Tiempo”, se abrió mi corazón y me quedé en paz conmigo misma, con el Espíritu, con el Infinito.

Entonces... comencé a cantar la nana con Robert, y sentí que cantaba a la madre Tierra, con mucho

agradecimiento y mucho amor..........

GRACIAS MADRE !!!

GRACIAS NYEI, ROBERT, AMBAR Y PATRICIA.

Starting with the pre-class assignment and finishing with the last accords, all this action was unfolding in an amazing way, showing me the aspects of love that I seem to be knowing but do not pay attention to.

The magical passes of the “Stalking the dreaming attention” included that attention, the Earth form made it stronger, and the “Wings of affection” with my beginner partner made it soft and magical. My partner is a beautiful being who showed up unexpectedly, in a moment, with very large eyes, and somehow he was perceiving everything on the spot, accepting with no doubt what the instructors were saying, and in the same manner, he was accepting my help and some comments. It was amazing how all of this was ac-cep-ted by him. My mind was screaming: “Is this possible?!” It was so unconditional. I was charged by this mood, and I was learning this mood.

One of my intents for the seminar was the fullness of perception. And literally in an hour this word “perception” in my feelings was felt as “per-” (in Russian “going up, ascending”) and “-ception” (in Russian meaning “acceptance”) – so accepting and with this base, ascending and perceiving – it was an amazing, life-giving sensation.

At the beginning of the workshop I described love (when I am in love) as the position of my being where I accept another person or something different and with this, I bloom like a flower. And gradually, I was blooming with the workshop: with the magical passes, assignments, stories from the stage and my own stories. I was opening up and blooming like a living flower. For example, in the process of it, I loved myself as a kid from an old story. It is such a strange sensation: I was loving more like one loves a younger brother, as if that little person was not me at all. Why does my subconscious equate me with that distant boy, and all my life I am slightly affected by what that little boy has done? That boy is so cute, harmless and close to me.

After changing and changing my positions, all of a sudden I felt myself loving and remembered that I truly loved (was one with love) as if I was in a mutual living dream, filled with direct knowledge…It was with them that at some moments my body was being filled with completeness, I could feel my energy body close to me. And something in me was feeling it very quietly and irradiating mutual luminosity towards these infinitely beautiful beings, and at the same time, towards the rest of the world. And all other beings were being drawn into it at that moment as well

All the lectures during the workshop gave me such beings, I was in tune with their wonderful-ness and understood, and more and more accepted each of them. I accepted their situation, I found many similarities to “my stuff” in their stories. I was tracking expectations together with them, learning to appreciate myself, love myself, accept the responsibility, and then I even had a dinner-feast one-to-one with my energy body who visited me.

Now my emphasis is on the new love, on the fact that my living heart in my living body softly participates in my breath, in the feeling that I am here and every moment flows filled with my body, being, and its content: sensations, silence, and open heart.

I love. I am love!

Thank you to my beginner witness!

Thank you to every one who was at the workshop!

Thank you to the instructors and trackers!

It was a very beautiful Workshop for me. I hadn’t been to a Workshop since some time now, and felt like returning to my family. It was this connectedness that touched me again. From the very beginning a relatively new practitioner from eastern Germany sat next to me. He had no translation device, although he didn’t speak English. With a second headphone we could use my device for the both of us. And so we sat together during all the discussions, taking care to move within the length of the cable of the headphones. After a while I thought he should be having a translation device of his own. He had told me that they don’t have any more left, but the person administrating them told me different. At first I thought I should encourage him to ask once again, but then I decided to take the situation as it was and enjoyed being connected to the other person through the headphones. When the representatives were asked to take care of a newcomer, I knew that I had been assigned with somebody already, to take care of. He had difficulties with the witness exercises to find situations from the past. So I gave him more time. I helped him find stories as well. That left me though with to less a time for my stories. At first I was annoyed about that. But then I said to myself, that I can repeat this at home as well…Together with a practitioner who has also been at this workshop we are actually doing this now. I always enjoy singing with others at the Workshop. I was enchanted mainly by the small trumpet in your concert. In the speeches I was mainly impressed by the love and dedication of the practitioners, and their unbending purpose and willingness to change…

In deep connectedness

First, a huge thank you for all your dedication and affection. The workshop was a warm and deep experience. And it was a pleasure to be part of it.

I find it difficult to describe what abstract affection is, I could say that it is presence, that it is a vibration and it’s in constant movement, that it is what I feel inside when I listen to my body, that is being alive, or maybe it is space,…

I left the workshop and soon after I understood what abstract affection is NOT. Abstract affection is not personalized attention. Up to now that is what I thought Love was. That’s what I would give, and of course, that’s what I wanted people to give me. This idea of Love is very limited and small, I have been a merchant all my life, and a very fussy and demanding one indeed.

Now, with this new awareness comes a new way of being. I am trying to give abstract affection to people, to give genuine love. The big challenges at this point are my boss (I have just started a new job) and my salsa teacher (whom I really fancy). Surprise, surprise, my relationship with them has a new mood, it feels light and shiny and I feel closer to them than ever. Instead of giving them my attention, I use it to be present and I relate to them from my whole being, I don’t give my power away.

New bodily sensations:

Love is a vibration, is fluid and is expanding. I can feel my womb in balance and my heart (connected to my womb) is like a centre from where energy emanates out in every direction.

Sound touches my whole body at the same time.

My legs are connected to my vital centres and my arms and hands are an extension of my heart. When I move it feels like my legs and arms are massaging my vital centres and heart. Just moving or walking is a pleasure.

At the back of my heart I can feel a big space, my wings of perception have now space to move.

I can feel my energy, my being is very light, soft, fresh and sweet, very delicate. When I get angry, upset because things don’t go my way, worried of not having what I want,…. my energy gets stuck and doesn’t flow as it should. Basically, when I see things from the perspective of ME, my being gets small and needy.

My Physical Body and my Energy Body belong together. I have seen it when practicing the form “Affection for the Energy Body” and also many times during the week after the workshop. And I know that there are new possibilities waiting to be tapped into.

My heart feels open and spacious, it is like an empty space, although it is full of freshness at the same time.

My intent for the workshop was to know what love is for real and to understand why I confuse love with sex.

I had two definitions of Love:

- Love is a warm feeling that comes out of my heart

- (Romantic Love) Love is when I feel that I want to be with him, when I want to belong to him.

Although the first definition seemed to me more appropriate, the second one was very much a reality as well. When we were told to review our definitions of Love, I made a final adjustment on the second one: Love is when I feel that I want to be with him, when I want to belong to him, when I want him to please/love me. Well, this is a rather businesslike approach, isn’t it? , I don’t know why I call this Love, but certainly is not Love. Sex can be a beautiful and magical experience, maybe that’s why I had it as Love but they are two different things. I want to find out what happens if I don’t have expectations of A. pleasing me sexually, I want to see what’s left.

When making the list of “if he loved me he would….” I saw how selfish and childish my expectations were and found it even funny. A bit later when we stalked the scene when he didn’t love me, I saw that my intent with A. had been that if he did the things in my list I would let him come close, if not, no way. It was a shock to find out that I was calculating things, I was fussy and even trying to catch him out, observing his reactions in different situations to see if the “investment” was worthwhile.

New ways of being more present and loving with myself:

During one of the stalking exercises I saw that whenever I’m not present I’m wasting my life. I can be present and interact with other people at the same time.

Being present is a bodily sensation, is to feel my energy, to let it flow. I do this by moving, adjusting my body position, relax lower disc, feel legs and feet, open heart, open neck, breath,….

Being in contact with my beings physical and energetic gives me peace and tranquillity

I can breath into my heart and feel it expand, that’s Love !

*Working together with a newcomer.

At the beginning I was with him but I was not really taking care of him. After a while I realised that I was not being supportive and changed attitude, I started being present for him. I found myself being very demanding and not very patient at times , but tried to adjust as much as I could giving him space.

During the stalking exercises he found it difficult to understand some of the questions. As the workshop progressed he began to understand the questions with his body, he felt the meaning. It was a very fluid process, I found it impressive and at the same time it felt something very natural.

The story that touched me most was Carine’s. So many similarities with my life! Thanks to her I found out how demanding and aggressive I am with people (this comes from my mother). Being aware of it has changed me already.

The story Robert told about his friend was very moving. When listening to his music I could feel how that being was giving himself totally to his music and there were tons of affection in it, I felt awe.

Practising the Magical Passes:

During the Earth form I felt how I totally belong to the Earth. She can absorb my moodiness and heaviness or anything I want to get rid of. I can let go with total confidence and abandon myself completely.

“The Wings of Affection form” gave me a feeling of happiness and wellbeing. I never knew I am so delicate or that my heart can expand so much.

“Stalking the Dreaming Attention Form”

I normally don’t express my feminine energy as much as I express my masculine energy. However, with this form I feel that how express both my energies, masculine and feminine have changed. My masculine energy is less aggressive and my feminine energy is coming out more easily and with sobriety and lightness.

I feel my body like a unity, rounded. Moods, sounds, feelings, intentions, they are all vibrations and to be aware of the vibrations as they happen is to be present. If I’m present I can adjust if I need to, I can choose to be happy and grow, to be connected with the Earth and feel her affection. I can choose to give the best of myself at any given moment. Anything less than that, I feel, it’s a shameful waste.

I’d like to thank everyone that dreamt this workshop about Love.

For me every workshop is like a new beginning and the first thing I do when I go back home is to tidy up and get rid of old things. I’m getting ready for something new and fresh to enter into my life. Now is Love for myself that has entered and I am so looking forward to experience new possibilities of being.

We need love to grow. I can feel that as a Tensegrity community, we are growing in awareness together …… all the best to us all!!

With deep gratitude and affection