Feedback from the Tensegrity workshop held in Berlin, Germany, October, 2009:

The Joy of Arbeit*: "Nobody Told Me"

Recording and commentaries on Fließen und Fließen – Flow and Flow sung at the workshop.

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I would like to say that I loved this Workshop and all that was surrounding it: the city, the colors, atmosphere of a wonderful fall, people. It was like a dream for me to be there. I feel that we participants were traveling together, closely accompanied by our witnesses on our past, present, and future scenes, like authentic adventurers.

We were given wonderful and joyful tools to do that trip on the Workshop.

I think the magical passes were perfect for the theme. They allowed us to feel the contrast between the energy of being not collaborative with others, acting with force to try to impose our personal point of view, and the consequent unbalanced interchange with Earth, and the one of an open heart, collaborative attitude, joy, silence and love that come from our link with Spirit and a joyful giving and receiving.

I feel the design of the witness exercises was great. They allowed us, and inspired us to go, step by step, through present and past scenes where we could see with the aim and presence of explorers the patterns, feelings, and attitudes toward work we have inherited from our lineage and culture. Alexander Dergay’s lecture was a beautiful example of this. He shows us how to discover the sometimes hidden patterns, feelings and attitudes toward work in our lifetime behavior. I felt the way he looked on his own story was an excellent example of how we can to find the trends that connect our attitudes toward work, and the ones of our lineage and culture. It gave to us tools to go through our own personal story and to uncover the basis of our attitudes and feelings toward work.

I enjoyed as well the wonderful examples of the link between our lineage’s patterns and the ones we are acting, from our companions of practice that were sharing their findings with all of us.

All the explanations and interventions of Reni Murez were exquisite. She has this so beautiful, intelligent, and so clear way to address the audience. I love the way she moves our assemblage point with the mood and enthusiasm her words carry!

The silence when we did the Magical pass of the Earth was so deep...

I could feel a joyful intent on all what we did in this Workshop. The work we were doing was another perfect example of how to find joy, love and silence as we are working.

I want to say that it’s memorable for me the exercise about collaborative work we did in groups. It was amazing to observe the strong presence of cultural influences over us when the members of the different groups were deciding together what kind of work to do. I could see that most of the groups that chose to act a theatre little piece were on the Latin side of the room! Then, when we had the feedback of this exercise, we could see that we all have actually different alternatives to approach the collaborative work, and the interchange we have with others: one of these alternatives is, as Reni explained, dictated by humanity’s modern position of the assemblage point: the me, me, me position-perception, where we are trying to force the entire group to do the work in the way we want, and are fighting to achieve that, or avoiding to work if this is not the case. And by the other hand, we can reach the way of the Spirit: to follow energy and to listen, and follow with our entire being those proposals that have most energy, no matter who had the idea.

I think It was a so clear example of the two alternatives and positions of the assemblage point, that I’ll always remember that and I am confident that it’ll be a powerful tool for me when I try to work with others --and even when I have to work alone and intend to have a balanced interchange with Earth: to listen and to follow the most energetic paths. I think I can intend to move my perception from the me, me, me demand toward the one of Spirit.

Another present that the Workshop gave us, and I liked so much, was the little stone. It was powerful to paint over our stone, I think it was like that, not just because we were trying to represent our link with our beloved Earth, the harmony we and our ancestors have had with her, and our dreams about work, but because the simple fact of performing the work was a way to arrive to silence. I could see all of us were so absorbed in the process. We were dedicating all our attention, imagination and creative energy on that activity. I felt it put us into a position of total presence and alignment with Spirit.

Regarding, the trip we made into what we wanted to be when we were children, I could see that I wanted to be a traveler and immerse myself in all kind of adventures and observation of new worlds, I wanted to be a preacher, I wanted to be a witch and fly at nights on my broomstick and to do magical jobs, I wanted to be an anthropologist and discover mysteries lost in time. I wanted to be a writer, I wanted to be a biologist and to go to the jungle and observe strange and peculiar creatures.

Regarding to my dreams on work, I want to make alive the following affirmations: Every day on work is interesting, and it’s full of mystery and adventures. I give my best in my job. The old and new, the known and unknown combine themselves in my work to make it better and enjoyable. I love to work, it makes me feel useful to the Earth. Work makes my days full of adventures.

I am dreaming to travel more. I want to come back to Europe and to work there. I want to go to a wonderful city where I can improve my English –on USA or England. I want to go to Africa and work there as well. I want to work on the South of my own country. I want to be totally present on my work wherever I am. Love to all of you.

Arriving at Berlin in train, I noticed that I suddenly had a different perception of the space around me: wider, deeper, as if the earth underneath my feet was deep. This sensation was for me the strongest impression of this workshop in Berlin and became stronger with the practice of the Magical Passes of Affection for the Earth. I felt that this sensation is the source for everything we do and being aware of it, provides us with the necessary strength to face what is in front of us.

Also, time had another dimension for me in this workshop. I had to engage everything to be punctual, for example, to act within the familiar mind frame, because a wider sensation of myself and of the room was so present.

Another opening happened when we did the list of our Old and New views on what work means to us: I could see, how much I enjoy this "field" of work, and that by working, I develop my skills and capacities, which is joyful.

During the witness work, especially and overall, I noticed that I have two views or memories, at the same time: one is judging and narrow and the other is joyful, inspiring, vibrant and light. And then it was very helpful to find out which exactly are the thoughts and experiences of my family line and personal experience, "Work is something which has to be done, no matter, if how you feel..." (on the other hand: great enthusiasm and never tired to do the work) and how much my way to work, now is reflecting this, and to have the option to make adjustments, now.

The practice of the Magical Passes of Erasing the Personal History with the Decision Pass helped me to sense 2 different sides of my being (the left and the right side) and their moods, and that these are two moods of an even more encompassing state of being…

Alexander Dergay’s lecture transported to me, where to search for fulfillment at work: not so much in the type of work, we are doing, although work where we can develop our natural skills and capacities are what I am aiming at, but HOW we work, with our full attention in every moment, always as present as possible.

And a beautiful experience was the Team Work. We were five women and one man in our group, and maybe due to this circumstance, we were able to accept or reject the suggestions made, easily, could let go of which were of no interest to the others, and follow the suggestions which we all found interesting, until we reached a result, as a joint effort of sensing-navigating which felt right and which not.

Still feeling the presence of these moments, and continuing... thank you.

What a special and wonderful workshop! I felt so much harmony like never before. All seemed to be easier than usual: the learning of the Magical Passes, the witnessing. Even it was much easier for me to understand – without headphones – what the instructors said. Thank you so much!

(Regarding) the Magical Pass Erasing Personal History… this Pass was the first long form I ever learned (2001 in Hannover). I have a special relation to it and used it mostly in connection with the recapitulation. Now in this slightly different form it represents for me more the possibility for an alternative behavior, another way to act. What I found out is, that the interaction with my colleagues at work seemed to get easier and more harmonious after the workshop. On the other hand, I could feel more what they want and need – very useful for me as a team leader.

In the recapitulation exercises on Saturday I found out that a lot of my behavior at work is how I behaved in front of my father when I was a child. He often controlled my schoolwork in the evening at home, specially when I was in the elementary school, because my grades were not very good at that time. In the afternoon I often did the homework very fast, because I wanted to go out to play - though I was afraid of his reproach in the evening. I often did my homework not very concentrated and made mistakes.

In a current situation with my boss I acted alike. I finished a budget plan for 2010 very fast to leave the office not too late in the evening. So I was blamed by my boss because she found some mistakes in the plan. Strangely enough I found out that both my grandfathers (which I never met, because one died before I was born and the other when I was 4 years old) seemed to act the same way: One wasn’t able to keep a business over a longer time and the other sometimes did the work at home not correct. Could they have influenced me?

Doing the Earth Form on Saturday night – a Magical pass I know since a longer time – was something very special for me because I really felt for the first time a strong connection with the earth. It really moved my assemblage point very strong. Wonderful! With that peaceful feeling I felt that I don’t have to fear nothing.

I liked the finding of a very early ‘positive’ scene with Work that I really had forgotten: I played theatre in the kindergarten. My part was to be a statue in the park that became alive when the walkers didn’t look at it. I loved the reaction of the audience when I made jokes. For me it means, it is very important to love what I’m working – and bring happiness to the people. Still I don’t know exactly how to do it at work.

Painting the little rock on Sunday I felt not so much connection with work, I painted a picture that I saw again and again while I did the Earth Form the night before: It was a deer that is walking through the woods. Still I don’t know the meaning of it, but it felt good to paint it.

Doing the Earth Form in Chairs was a very nice happening because I did it in a group of practitioners that I know well but I had not seen them for a longer time. We created a play of Magical Theatre for Pantomime as our Group Project. The brainstorming was very harmonious, much more than any brainstorming I did at work with my colleagues. Thank you so much again for this new journey of awareness!

I witnessed in my interactions desire for the agreement of others, and being shocked when they instead express contrary viewpoints. From adolescent years I remember someone, my mother I think, admonishing me to listen more to what others say. My reaction was to close up and fix my position, and have an angry stage panic. It feels very much like my part in the exchanges that my witness and I reviewed. I observed this tendency today in a work meeting with my peers and the owner of the company. My reaction when challenged is to begin growling. It's insane! The only way out is to breathe and really listen to what the person is saying. I have recognized this reaction in my father, who could not abide people taking contrary views to his own. The difference is in our reactive routine – where I am immobilized, he would explode!

Self pity was also a feature of my routines, seeking to have people identify with “poor me”. This resonated with a childhood scene where I took on too much work for my father and unable to finish it apologized to him, somehow afraid to say what was on my mind, that I really wanted to do the task together with him.

I made some observations of my tendencies during the Group Work Activity:
Faced with an ill-defined task, I freeze.
I project my own perceived shortcomings onto others.
I am overawed by the knowledge of others, but want to overturn it

I found an integral positive scene from my childhood – of a metal forge that I used to visit. I would stand in the doorway awed by the power of the steam hammer pounding a formless lump of molten steel into an elegant golf club head, the smith in his leather apron calmly working it round among the flying red and white sparks. My work as an engineer is academically based, and my personal history says that I have little practical type ability. But shortly before the workshop I had the idea to model mathematically a geometric form which has industrial application, and to manufacture the form based on the theoretical model. The forge recollection resonated strongly with this dream. I'm feeling that to be an industrialist would fulfill me somehow. This notion goes against my whole life's prejudice against factory owners. I just remembered though, my first full time job when I was 17, was in a brick works. It was heavy monotonous work. My workmates were laborers, cheery, simple people. The bowler-hatted owner came by occasionally in his black vintage Rolls Royce...

The rock which I selected with closed eyes is a chip of ancient granite which has been abraded into softer contours by river and sea. I wondered what I should do with it's speckled surface. (Internal dialog: I am not artistic, I'm gonna be embarrassed, every body will do something more original than I) When I noticed that my attention was drawn immediately by the dark areas I looked instead to the lighter spots, and marked them with dots of ink. Then I began to join up the dots. I found I liked the network that was formed, and had the idea that all of my behaviors are interlinked like this, as are the paths and events of my life. One of my cohorts remarked that it looked like a tensegrity structure, and on reflection I see that the metaphor applies not only to me but to my part in greater structures.

Right now I am working as a team leader on a project. When I refuse the routine of adopting fixed positions, the job becomes very exciting – adapting to events beyond my control by changing the shape of the team, I propose my views in a spirit of contribution and respectfully ask others for their opinions.

My rock is visible on the pedestal of my computer screen. No doubt the casual observer would think it's there to eliminate harmful radiation, and they'd be right!

…The constructing of our ‘rock’:
I decorated the rock with a wonderful mood of lightness and affection. It shows on the front as a symbol of unity a circle with a bright centre meaning I am whole and proper, and a symbol of affectionate attachment to the earth. On the back emerged by itself waves of water in different colours.

…The best thing for me in this workshop was sharing my shameful staff with a proper witness. I feel almost finished with some of my before “unfinished” scenes.

…I felt myself like being sum of energy of my mother and father and I know that I live and work from this position.

...During the witness discussions, while finding an older scene, I saw myself, age 8, doing the dishwashing, like every afternoon. My brother, one year younger than me didn’t have to do that. I was very annoyed by this and experienced it as very unfair. From this scene, I realize now that it became my habit to postpone work, mostly the work I don’t like or which is alien to me.

After practicing ‘The Erasing Personal History Form’ I felt myself full of energy already on Saturday noon. It was a great help for my recapitulation. What a wonderful experience when we practiced the form in two groups beginning with the first group with the right side, then both groups practicing together the Five Point Connection and the left side by the second group. When I was watching the other group I knew: “We are so different: long, short, thin and thick – and we are all wonderful magical beings, everyone of us.” I had such a strong feeling of gratitude and affinity to the other practitioners and my heart opened.

On Saturday night at the end of ‘The Earth Form’ when we sat down on our mats and when we had connection with the earth, the plants and animals, I had the feeling, that I was sitting in a huge luminous egg. It was a great feeling, full of peace, joy and confidence. A similar strong feeling I had when we did this Magical Passes sitting in groups in chairs: at the end, with closed eyes, I felt, how my fibers expanded and became longer and longer, they wriggled through the space and touched gently and with affection the other practitioners of my group and the earth. It was such a relaxation to expand the fibers!

After the workshop I feel myself ‘entire’ and whole, my energetic holes are filled again and I am glowing from inside. I have a very good feeling and I know, that I have everything that I need. It’s clear for me, that the activities in my everyday life are powered by filling the holes. But that doesn’t work with my common patterns - the opposite is the case (a bottle of beer in the evening, catching affection, being important by doing such important things etc.). I intend to hold this present state after the workshop as long as possible. The Magical Passes and my new steps will help me.

This Workshop is one of the most useful workshops. It started with my findings about two my patterns: "hidden tension" and "wish to show myself as irreplaceable hardworking workaholic".”

When I returned to Moscow, I started to practice my not-doing to stop myself, do relaxation and deep breath, and this had really amazing results: in this slow and relaxed mode I found solutions for two tasks at my work, which from the first view were difficult.

…The fact that my father relied on his business partner did not do him any good because he trusted him to the point where the partner almost made my father lose his company. This happens to me because I don’t do my bookkeeping. So this Tuesday I put myself to the task of creating some spreadsheets to track my bills and what is owed to me, as well as my bank accounts.

I thank the energy of the Universe for bringing to us the workshop and classes that enabled us to track and bring more awareness to the activities that keep us busy on a daily basis, the ones we do to earn a living, and the ones we enjoy doing…

Gratitude is the feeling that comes to me in this moment, and the desire to continue this exciting adventure which involves knowing more.

During the Workshop, the Magical Pass “Erasing the personal History” gave me a quality of silence that made me come to life and realize that what I was already feeling and becoming aware of is that I need to increase the sensitivity, attention and patience with myself, and therefore with the beings in my care, as is the very close case of my elderly mother.

In the recapitulation of past scenes I was able to see that in both my paternal and maternal lines there is the constant repetition of having two jobs – one for living and the other with which to enjoy. In the case on my maternal line, my mother and uncles left jobs that gave them financial security; my mother to take care of her children which gave her satisfaction, and my uncles to live as musicians which they love.

My paternal lineage, however, tried to reconcile these two activities: my father’s first job took care of his family unsuccessfully, but he loved his second job as a teacher. From this, I learned to complain and despise my job. My tendency is to flee and desire other jobs in my same field, without ever resolving or changing my way of earning a living. I am still tracking this.

After practicing the Earth Form in the afternoon/ Saturday night, and after hearing the reading of the Interview, I was left with a feeling of remembrance of “something very ancient, hidden in my soul’’, a memory of the simplicity that involves connecting with Mother Earth and caring for the animals that in turn sustain humans. I remembered the feeling of connection, abundance and peace that involves being so close to the stars and feeling ownership of time. It made me connect with all beings from the security and well-being of my “Tummy”

By practicing the Magical Pass with the group of practitioners, as a task to share, I felt they were so close to me. So much so, that their support is still with me during my work day and is helping me to work with a different quality, not from the independence but from the interdependence.

First of all, as always, I had the opportunity of discovering aspects in me linked to my lineage which emerged thanks to the stalking exercises practiced with my witness. I was able to discover that my basic position at work is my belief that I always occupy lower levels than what I think I deserve. And that's why I never take work very seriously, believing that I can leave that job at any time I get to a point where I feel enough is enough. For this reason I have always had problems with co-workers and bosses whom I considered to be too worried about a job I despised. Thanks to my witness, I was able to see that this is something that comes from my paternal line. My father or my uncles have always had this same attitude and have had the same problems- leaving their jobs or confronting their supervisors. Although I did discover that the members of my maternal line have another kind of attitude towards work. In particular, the figure of one of my uncles emerged who I have never considered as a model because I have always thought of him as just a bus driver. I came to realize that all his life he has done his job with love and people have always loved him in return. This attitude of my uncle serves me now as a model. It is linked to my new view after the stalking exercise about work and it is something that I put in the right side, or my New Views about Work, list: Put love in what you do at work!